How to Cope When Life is Life-ing

On Sunday, I felt that dreaded tickle in my throat. By Sunday night, it was a full-blown sore throat, just days before my organization’s annual gala, our biggest fundraising event of the year. I’d been working on it for months. I hadn’t missed one in 15 years.

So, I did what any determined overachiever would do: stocked up on meds, drank all the vitamin C, slept like it was my job, and declared I would be better by Wednesday.

Spoiler: I wasn’t.

I missed the gala.
The next day, I missed the Broadway show I’d bought tickets to.
And today, I’m missing a celebration of life ceremony for a dear friend’s father.

None of these things are the end of the world. But all of them matter. And all of them were out of my hands.

When life does what it does best-- remind you that control is a myth—it’s easy to spiral into guilt, frustration, and the feeling that you’re letting people down. But here’s what I’m practicing instead:

How to Roll with the Punches When Life Is Life-ing

1. Let it suck.
You don’t need to gratitude-spin everything. Missing meaningful moments is hard. You’re allowed to feel disappointed. Don’t skip the part where you’re just… bummed.

2. Remember: Effort doesn’t equal outcome.
You can do everything right and still not get the result you wanted. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re human.

3. Loosen your grip.
Control is seductive. It gives us the illusion of safety. But sometimes surrender is the most courageous thing we can do. Try asking: “Can I meet this moment instead of fighting it?”

4. Zoom out.
This week has been crummy. But it’s not everything. These events are part of my story, not the whole plot. Perspective doesn’t erase pain or disappointment, but it does soften it.

5. Be where your feet are.
If you're stuck at home with tea and tissues, be there fully. Rest like it matters. Because it does. Recovery is not wasted time, it’s necessary time.

6. Get out of Self.
If all you can do is rest, do it. But if you’ve got the energy to spiral, you’ve got the energy to shift. Yesterday, I took a call from someone who was struggling. I spent 30 minutes listening, holding space, offering support. And when we hung up? We both felt lighter. Her, because she was heard. Me, because I got a break from my own mental loop. Helping someone else isn’t just kindness—it’s medicine.

Life didn’t go according to plan this week. But that doesn’t mean I failed. It just means I’m living in a human body, in a world, where certainty isn’t guaranteed. And maybe how we handle these moments is the real work.

If life is currently “life-ing” all over your plans too, I see you. You’re not alone. And you’re doing just fine.